Bare-faced cheek

Back in the 1950s soft toilet paper was launched with a jar of mustard and a saucer. Honestly. Gentlemen of the road employed this legendary shock tactic to demonstrate the new tissue’s efficacy, mesmerising sceptical trade buyers, themselves brought up on shiny Izal and unyielding Bronco, and even the hung, drawn and quartered Daily Sketch.

Having spent a good slice of my career working in ‘wadding’ products, I feel well attuned to the mores of this rather personal category. Indeed, rarely does my mustard tale fail to make the listener’s toes curl (when the penny drops, that is). Backsides and everything connected to them is a delicate subject.

And so now Andrex wants to know how you wipe your ass.

‘Do you fold, or scrunch?’  Yes, I just saw it in Sainsbury’s – emblazoned across the giant multipacks, no less. Stunned, I almost bought some.

So, next time you go, log on (ha-ha) and cast your vote.  I don’t know if there’s a facility to upload a pic to facebook – perhaps they’ve not bottomed that one yet. Either way, remember to keep a tight grip of your smartphone.